Dating advice for women has changed drastically in the last decade. Women used to bend over backward to please a potential suitor; then they would lose them as time wore on. “I never seem to get past the first few months. What am I doing wrong?” Sound familiar? It may be that your intentions are good, but you’re trying too hard. I’ve put together some sound dating advice for women in order to avoid this and make things go more smoothly.

Talk to Avoid

Don’t talk about your last boyfriend, fiancé or husband on the first few dates. Men immediately think one of two things if you talk about your ex during a date. Either you’re still hung up on him, or you’re bitter and angry about being dumped. A guy doesn’t like either of these options, and he’ll take a pass on someone with that kind of emotional baggage.

Be Yourself

For a single woman, dating advice should probably be more complex than that, but really it all boils down to those two words: “Be yourself.” Don’t pull out all the stops, being a sex kitten siren if that’s not you. Forget playing the girl next door to catch his interest if you aren’t that type. You’ll only get yourself stuck in a role that will increasingly frustrate you, and eventually he’ll see through the charade and be offended by your dishonesty.

Don’t Trap Him

Even if you sense that he’s got great potential early on, don’t start talking about your future dreams of marriage and family right away. The most often overlooked dating advice for women is usually the most crucial—men take things slower. They don’t want to be considered as a potential life partner after date number two. They’ll feel trapped, and like all trapped animals, they will run or go on the defensive.

Accept Compliments

You’d be surprised how often men complain that women can’t take a compliment properly. If he tells you that you look wonderful, a simple, “Thank you,” is the right response. Don’t cut yourself down or accuse him of “just saying that.” You also shouldn’t go into details about how you borrowed the dress from a friend because it was so expensive you’d never dream of buying it yourself, blah, blah, blah. If he says you look lovely in the dress, acknowledge the compliment and move on. He really doesn’t want the details of how or why you look great—but  he will appreciate being thanked for noticing that you do. Accepting a compliment means you are self-confident and comfortable with yourself.

Be on Time

This is great dating advice for women and men. Whether you’re meeting a man someplace or he’s picking you up, it’s not polite or thoughtful to leave him cooling his heels—and no, it doesn’t build anticipation. It just makes you seem rude.

Express Your Opinions Honestly

Men quickly get bored with women who always agree with everything they say. Sure, it may be flattering to the ego for a bit, but that soon fades to boredom and/or irritation when they realize they can’t sustain an intelligent conversation with you. It’s also draining personally to keep up that kind of charade—what are you going to do a year from now? Stand firm on issues that are important to you; discuss events honestly but don’t get into an argument just to prove you’re right. Disagreeing on some things is what adds spice to a relationship—as long as the disagreements aren’t moral or life-changing.

Don’t Be a Pest

It may sound like old-fashioned dating advice for women, but I believe it still holds true—men like to know they’re interesting, but they don’t want to be nagged into dating you. Can you call a man a few days after a date and thank him for a nice evening and chat? Sure! But don’t call the next day, then the next, then the next. Leave one message.  If he’s interested, he’ll call you back. It may take a few days (he could be busy; he could be nervous). If he isn’t interested, increasingly desperate, repeated messages from you won’t help your cause.

Be Positive

You are on a date, not at a therapy session. Spilling your guts about how much your mother drives you crazy and why you want to kill your boss will not endear you to a man who had hopes of enjoying a relaxing evening with you. Should you hope that a relationship includes friendship? Yes! But don’t treat a man you’ve recently started dating like your old college roommate or priest. True confessions aren’t good for the soul or the relationship too early on, and lots of complaining give the impression you may never be happy with your life.

Dating advice for women could go on for pages, but the eight major rules above will cover almost every situation. Whether it’s your first date or your tenth, it’s all about being true to yourself, honest with him, and kind to both of you.

By Kevin Urban (Isnare)