Dear Adina

Your 21st Century Dear Abby

I am a 35-year-old woman. I have a friend who talked me into making a sizable “no-risk” investment to have a business service done—so he said. Well, I gave him a few thousand dollars upon his strong urging. Bottom line, I lost all my money, and at first, he said he could refund my money. So I waited patiently. Finally, I started reminding him little by little to get my money back and he said he was working on it. Needless to say, he has never repaid me. It has been over two years now, and I am very angry about it. I feel like I was duped! He acts like nothing happened, but I cannot forget that I threw away a lot of money (that I could use right now in fact) every time I speak to him. I am afraid that if he doesn’t make an effort to refund my money soon, I can no longer be his friend. Oddly, I feel like I was betrayed, even though he claims that it was not his fault. It’s just that he promised me that I would get my money back, or the service for which I paid would be done. Neither has happened.

Adina, I really need your advice. How do I continue to be this person’s friend feeling the way I do? Or is the friendship doomed?

Stupidly Duped,
Linda

—Adina’s Response—

Dear Duped,
I’m sorry to say, but you are just going to have to let go of the money. You made an investment and it didn’t pay off. I know it’s hard to accept that the money is gone, and it is even more painful when you think about all the fabulous shoes you could have bought with that money. But the bottom line is that you took a risk and made an investment; the money that you gave your friend was not a loan. You mention that your friend “strongly urged” you to make the investment, but ultimately it was your choice. Now, you just have to come to terms with the consequences of your choice. I know this doesn’t make losing the money any easier, but trust me—there is a lesson in all of this. They say that mixing friendship and money is a recipe for trouble, but there are a few other ingredients in that recipe if I recall. I think it involves a cup of accepting responsibility for your actions, a teaspoon of not blaming others, and just a pinch of learning from your mistakes.

After letting all of this bake in your mind, you can then ask yourself if you still want to be friends with the bad investor. This is a decision only you can make.

Head Chef with many recipes up my sleeve,
Adina