Two of the difficult lessons of life are those of letting go and impermanence. Nothing . . . no one lasts forever, and many would welcome their parents and their pets agreeing to accompany them throughout their lives. I walk through a forest of trees and smell the scent of freesia or gardenia, but the smell doesn’t linger. It only makes its presence known in that moment. These experiences are only temporary, and it is the same with our loved ones and our pets.
Animals can teach us plenty about letting go and impermanence. We experience the joy of a beloved pet one day and the sadness of losing it sometime later. Dogs are always so happy to greet us. They wag their tails, lick our faces, and eagerly wait on us when we leave them alone. We have no choice but to let go because dogs only live 15 years or so, and no matter how strong our love and attachment, life must and will go on.
Some people find it strange how people can become so attached to their pets. I’ve been attached to a bird that I missed for years when he was no longer with me. My bird’s name was Rahab. He used to fly to me and sit on my shoulder and coo as I entered a room. I became attached because he showed me unconditional love. My mother speaks to her cats as if they are human, and I’m sure she’d miss them if they were gone. I’ve seen her fuss over them as if they were her own children. This is not strange, for animals as well as humans are capable of showing affection.
Be that as it may, nothing on earth will last forever. The mountains themselves will fade and the oceans will give way to deserts. We learn to let go when, as we grow older, our loved ones depart one by one. I know that one day I will outlive my mother whom I’ve secretly prayed would live forever. I have more than a few friends who’ve had to face the loss of their mothers, and I don’t want to lose mine. I want to hold onto her like a dying man holding onto a ledge, but ultimately her time will come and I will have to let go to face the depths.
Letting go involves facing ourselves and facing the fact that we are self-contained and can withstand almost anything. Once we live through the sadness of losing someone we care about, and then face the anger that comes on its heels, we will experience depression. Getting through that will take great strength, but we will be better for it. And in all reality our loved ones remain with us, alive in our hearts and in our minds.
I ached when my father died. He had been ill, and I never gave up the feeling that he would outlast the surgeries, the medications, and the pain of diabetes and heart disease. I held onto his memory for a long time, but soon that began to change. Now, I remember his face only vaguely and the most prominent memories are what it was like to hear him whistle when he was in a good mood, or how I always felt a cool breeze around him. He seemed to be always coming in from the cold. I smile when I remember because though gone, he is still present and will always in spite of our differences be a part of my soul.
Like the sweet smell of roses or apple pie or blueberry muffins, the aroma of him only lasts a moment. In letting that moment pass, I allow myself to experience another and another. Though here and gone, he will pass this way again.
Written by Lisa Trimarchi
